My story starts when I was 14 years old and developed an eating disorder. I struggled with this all through my adolescence with family challenges and a very poor self esteem meaning that when relationships should have been fun and experimental, instead they were a time of intense sadness and difficulty.
I struggled with this on my own for many years without telling a word. I struggled because I thought I was wrong for being the way I was. My mind continued to spiral and other behaviours began to creep in from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) to social anxiety, and the worst thing was, I was so good at hiding it. I was 'the coper'. I was always 'the sensible one' and so I continued to suffer in silence, trying to please everyone around me, even if was damaging to me and never understanding why I felt such incredible discomfort in being me.
I hated myself and no one knew.
I was desperate to 'get better', but I didn't know what that meant. My friends and family didn't see anyone different to that which they always knew, which left me feeling incredibly isolated. No one could see my struggles and then one morning that's when I realised, that was the key!
Now that might sound a little strange, but the realisation was that no one was ever going to do this for me... and for people to see someone different, I had to be someone different. I had to learn to be ME instead of the person they expected me to be.
One of the hardest parts of the whole journey is learning to be true to yourself. People who end up in situations of self compromise such as weight gain or never having time for themselves are generally chronic people pleasers. They, as I did, define themselves by what they do for others. And while this may be wonderful for those around them, there comes a point where you become the main act in the story of your life - after all, it is YOUR LIFE!!!
Now, that's not to say I then became innately selfish and hard nosed, far from it! That isn't me and never will be, but I slowly started to learn what it meant to be me. With the help of some fantastic people and with a determined commitment to being honest with myself about everything that was happening, I got there.
Now, I am very proud to say I have created a life that not only fulfills me personally and emotionally, but also professionally. I know what I was born to do now. I can recognise my strengths, but perhaps also more importantly, my weaknesses and can be forgiving for the things that just don't quite fit.
I would love to help you do the same so drop me a line and we can have a chat.
If you take one thing from my story, I hope it is this.... You can get there! You can be free of whatever is keeping you trapped! There is always a door, it just may be that right now you cannot see it, but the most important thing to keep is your faith that it is there. Keep believing!!!
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